Dear ones,

Tomorrow the Jewish holiday of Passover begins, so I’ve been thinking about freedom and about love.

Passover commemorates the time when Jews were enslaved in Egypt and then Gd, through Moses, led them to forge a path toward freedom. Moses didn’t want the job — he felt unqualified, incapable… uncertain and hopeless, but he chose to say yes.

It was a terrible journey — both the journey of enslavement, the journey of release, and then the period of cleansing in the desert. At Passover we do not celebrate a defeat of Pharaoh and his people, instead we express our sorrow at the suffering and our gratitude that so many before us have accepted the struggle for freedom.

Freedom does not mean getting to do whatever you want. Patty and I were talking about what our kids would say — they seem to think freedom would be growing up so no one would tell you what to do. And we might imagine freedom as being eight and getting to come home from school and play ’till dinner. But neither is true or possible.

Freedom means taking responsibility to walk in the path of what is right. It a process of ongoing effort and care. It is a terrible burden, but also a joyful one. It is terrible because when you accept freedom, you can no longer take the easy path of blame. You can not ride along and then be mad when someone takes you to a destination that isn’t what you wanted!

There are so many ways to give up freedom. Being on “autopilot” and blindly following patterns. Being a victim. Being a dictator. Deluding yourself. Breaking your own integrity. Letting yourself be seduced by superficial wants — or maybe confusing “wants” and “needs.” Compromising your values, or devaluing yourself to seek approval, status, affirmation, or power from the outside.

But at the same time there are so many gifts. Not just gifts of freedom itself, but gifts from the struggle to be free. Perhaps without the struggle there is no real freedom — or at least none of the heady bliss of finding it. In the struggle we have the opportunity to confront ourselves and one another. To question what truly matters. To challenge assumptions and the status quo, not changing for change’s sake, but changing for the sake of liberating our highest and best selves.

In the struggles there are an abundance of difficult feelings. My dad (stepfather) is struggling w cancer and it’s brutal. On one hand I am feeling so sad and afraid and hopeless — and on the other hand these terrible emotions feel good. They feel “right-but-hard” and are reminding me of our love and the gifts he’s given me and our whole family. So the pain is really love in disguise.

Recently Max was in struggle because he left his “best Pokemon cards” in his pocket then put his jeans in the laundry — they did not fare well. On the one hand he was helpless, a victim of bad fortune. On the other it was an opportunity to receive loving support from us, and to take action, to take ownership of the future. To be free.

While I was in the midst of struggle post-emergency-knee-surgery I was feeling pretty low. I felt helpless, powerless, dependent, stuck. But at the same time I was able to receive so much love and care. I thought a lot then about what it meant to be free. Did it mean being able to put socks on myself? (that felt like great liberation!) Or did it mean being able to choose to be grateful for the care? Even grateful for the pain? (because it was a sign of the process of recovery)

I’m struck that freedom is so much about feeling. About feeling despair versus hope. About feeling unworthy of and unable to love versus abundant in it. So many people are afraid to love and to be loved. They are so hurt that the hurt itself becomes a kind of shelter. They make walls of rage to barricade their fear, they keep their hurt close at hand in a desperate attempt to prevent it from overwhelming them. Maybe this is the ultimate slavery, the self-imposed slavery of denying that we are worthy and capable of love.

This is a prison whose wall grow thicker each day. The more we see ourselves as unworthy of and unable to love, the more depleted we become. We become more and more closed to love from all around, and less and less able to love others. Paradoxically the door opens by giving; it swings open outward from self acceptance.

The good news is that no matter how thick we make these walls, freedom can come in the blink of an eye. So impossible, then so simple. It can feel like betrayal of a promise, though, because we do not stay free.

We must choose again. Each time it feels impossibly hard, then suddenly, miraculously, easy. Then we find another challenge; this is the journey of freedom. Without the opposition we go back to autopilot, back to coasting. So the walk toward freedom is embedded in struggle — we find jewels among life’s travails. While there will be struggle, there is also choice — a balance that is a process.

Freedom, then, is decision made over an over; a string of choices. Not choices of circumstance and power, but choices of heart and will. Love and effort. Made over and over, strung together on a necklace, each bead buffed to luster by the challenge inherent in the decision to be free.

Does this perpetual struggle sound grim and dark? I don’t see life that way. I see it as beautiful, part of the abundance and wonder of our world. Each time we choose freedom we become stronger, deeper, and brighter — contributing, as have so many before us, to the vast pool of liberation.

With love,
- Josh

It feels like summertime here - glorious, peaceful, and relaxed. The scent of jasmine is pouring in through my office windows along with the gently cooling evening air.

Yesterday I was talking with a client/friend about where he needs to put energy in his business. Hands down: “relationships.” Reaching out and connecting, mostly externally and also internally. He admitted he wasn’t doing it the way he wanted, and part of me wanted to say, “but that’s so easy!”

Then I realized that his reason for not doing this is much the same as my reason for not exercising (something he’s great at, by the way): In two completely different challenges, we each feel inadequate - incompetent - and without real hope that our efforts will work.

And we each find it incredibly difficult to persevere… and all too easy to slide that task to the bottom of the pile. I am sure there is value and insight in this feeling, some clarity to be found, but even in this quite jasmine gentleness of evening, the wisdom is beyond me.

On two recent occasions I have been confronted with the realities of the information and population explosion. Sharing a meal with a well informed professional person, we have mentioned leaders in our respective fields of work, only to be faced with completely blank looks. These are social trials …. either trying to hide our shock at another’s ignorance, or even worse pretending to know who is being discussed. It can be really quite embarrassing if we don’t openly understand and acknowledge the reality of the situation. It has always happened to a certain extent, but it is getting increasingly difficult to keep up. And there is little authenticity in pretending.

In the revised Shift Happens film (below) it quotes that the amount of technical information is doubling every 2 years, there were 3000 books published today, 2.7 billion searches performed on google this month…

Which is why computers are no longer optional… and why social network sites have literally exploded. We need to manage all the connections and all the information. The truth is really quite profound. We cannot manage without people networks, where we have connections with lots and lots of other people. And with those connections can come a measure of confidence. Perhaps we don’t need to be trying desperately to absorb so much information, perhaps it is OK to let others know lots of other things we don’t . . . but are only a click or a call away?

We need people, and we need to build trusting relationships with those people in order to collaborate.

I think that that this is a truly wonderful thing.

There is certainly no doubt in my mind that self-organisation has already happened with regard social networking sites. The challenge is to design systems evolutionary enough and quickly enough to ensure their relevance . . . next week.

I have had a couple of times lately that tears have welled up in my eyes. As I watch and listen to the events surrounding the presidential campaign, I am really amazed about those citizens who are attempting to become President of the United States. Diversity is such an important value of mine and I am just in awe that we as a nation have made some changes. I would not be foolhearty enough to think that we have made major strides in becoming inclusive, but I am hopeful.

My husband has been thinking that I have become obsessed with the presidential compaign, because I am always listening to the debates, watching CNN, MSNBC, NPR, etc. How can I miss out on this historical campaign? I also find myself listening for clarity, sincerity, authenticity, optimism, and hope in the messages of those candidates. I am fascinated!

We have always talked about the United States as a country of immigrants. I am hopeful that this campaign will just be a start of having those in power reflect who we really are. Dr. King would be pleased. Yes..times they are a changing.

I found this article intriguing, both in the framing and the advice. The setup is that while we talk a lot about things being different in our organizations (and lives), most of us won’t actually do much about it. Is that ok with you?

… the truth is we will all still be at the same spot next year, fussing about the way we are organizing, prioritizing and delegating.

But what would happen if we were determined to make a real change in the way we lead our organizations this year? Perhaps we should ask ourselves the more compelling question…what will happen in our organization this year if nothing changes in the way we lead?

In considering my own challenges as a leader, there are some results I want this year - this question is leading me to wonder: Am I really willing to work for it? I’m pretty comfortable with the way things are right now - it’s not all it could be, but is pretty great. Hard work to change - worth it? Will think!

Sometimes I wish I could just “press the button” and have change done.

But change takes persistent effort. I don’t mind working HARD - its keeping it in focus day after day that’s so difficult.

The article then provides seven ideas of things to do differently - hard things like building better relationships, holding onto vision, and being authentic. These take a lot of courage and risk - I’d have to be a bit less comfortable, and I’d have to be willing to risk making others uncomfortable. Takes a lot of emotional intelligence to manage that. Where’s an good EQ consultant when you need one??

Like so many of my clients, I know this - but doing it is harder than knowing it.

Hm. So what’s it gonna be? Comfort or learning? I’ll let you know next year.

Check out the article - Gregg Thompson — WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF NOTHING CHANGES? (The Point, Jan 08)

Just posted on EQ Planet, my podcast, an interview with Alan Deustchman, author of Change or Die.

Deutschman explains what it really takes to get people and businesses to change — no surprise, it takes emotional intelligence as well as strategic brilliance and some luck. The secret is to move away from the old paradigm of force, facts, and fear — and replace it with relationships that inspire hope.

I’m in Italy, outside Bologna in a town called Sasso Marconi. Apparently it used to be called Sasso, but after Marconi invented the radio here they changed the name to honor him.

Marconi didn’t do well in school and his father saw him as a failure. He worked for years to figure out how to send sound through radio waves — before people even really knew what radio waves are! He ended up discovering how an antenna works by accident!

So was Marconi crazy and obsessed — or brilliant and determined?

I’m enjoying working with another wonderful international group attending the emotional intelligence training certification. Mostly people from Italy, and 5 from beyond. Today we’re working on the “Give Yourself” part of our EQ model and considering how to align our daily choices with a larger sense of purpose.

Did Marconi have a Noble Goal, or was he working on the radio for some other reason? Was he Giving himself, or indulging himself? No idea! But intriguing. What does it take to change the world?