I was talking with my dad about feeling sad and hopeless about his cancer. “On the one hand,” he said, “I know every day is a blessing and there’s so much to be grateful for. But that seems so abstract. So far away right now.” Here are some thoughts about feeling hopeless, and building a ladder toward hope.

 

 Good Sad - Finding Moments of Hope [6:58m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

A few months ago I blogged about Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” about Achieving Your Childhood Dreams. He didn’t use these words, but he talked all about what we call emotional intelligence. Here’s a reprise he gave on Oprah:

Plus here are a ton of other videos about Randy.

This awareness campaign for the International Red Cross won bronze at the ACT competition last year. The idea behind the artwork is that everybody have the right to be treated as a normal human being. A healthy life is very important, compassion and tolerance is part of it.

“Every conflict around the globe, whether it’s between countries or cousins, begins when people disregard this (compassion) basic human emotion. Compassion helps us find common ground and overlook our differences by discovering that we all have the same colour blood in our hearts.”

Direct from very hard hitting osocio

What are the qualities of a President of the United States who takes on the mantle of leader? On the MSNBC program “Tim Russert,” Doris Kearns Goodwin, presidential historian, shared the qualities she feels we should be looking for in the President of the United States. Here are the qualities she submitted:

*withstanding adversity

*diverse perspectives

*loyalty

*admitting mistakes

*managing emotions

*defining goals

*knowing how to relax

Throughout the entire hour program it was evident to me as a emotional intelligence practitioner that she was primarily talking about emotional intelligence. In her discussion about “withstanding adversity” she talked of former presidents and the presidential candidates of 2008. The practice of optimism, resiliency, and perseverance modeled for others can bring energy and power to those they lead. The leaders have been “tested.” We know from the study of many leaders, they have had to withstand enormous obstables, “picked themselves up,” and went forward.

“Diverse perspectives” relates to how leaders learn from others, including from those with whom they disagree on many issues. A leader surrounding themselves with only “yes people” only hears their own voice and views.  They are not challenged to revisit their beliefs and perhaps even enrich their beliefs, if they are not listening to others.With a leader utilizing their emotional literacy, navigating emotions, empathy, and noble goals, really all of the EI competencies, this is when they truly are able to engage others in decision-making. Without engaging “diverse perspectives” a leader is not connected to the relationships they have with the people.

The attributes of “loyalty” and “admitting mistakes” can really be discussed together in that the loyalty that the President has for his/her people is shown most vividly when being true to oneself. Admitting mistakes in the work for the citizenry can show a loyalty that transcends any other work with which the President focuses. Most of the emotional intelligence competencies ring through these qualities.

“Managing emotions” so clearly relates to EI. We may call it “navigating emotions,” with Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Network, but it really is the same. There are so many instances when the information gleaned from anger, frustration, sadness, happiness,  and joy can bring power, energy, and clarity to a president’s message. The job of the President of the United States is to be able to transform those emotions into messages that enlist, energize, and empower the citizens. Additionally, “defining goals” relates to “managing emotions” in that a president needs to use the data from their emotions and create a clear message that communicates shared purpose.

Lastly, being able to relax is an important quality for a president, as with any leader. President of the United States has almost an unequaled amount of stress in their lives. Taking the time for reflection, time with family, a sport, or perhaps a hobby is an extremely important part of the lives of any leader.

 I believe Doris Kearns Goodwin’s list is almost complete. I would definitely add empathy as another quality. She alluded to it many times in the program, but did not name it. It is clearly evident that emotional intelligence competencies are at the core of any leader, not just President of the United States.

This week 300 Americans from the New York Philharmonic Orchestra entered North Korea to play a concert for an audience of dignitaries. This is the first and largest group of Americans to visit North Korea since the war in the early 50’s. The flags of the United States and North Korea, two countries locked in animosity for more than half a century, hung from poles at opposite ends of the stage at the East Pyongyang Concert Hall.

The crowd of about 2,000 North Korean dignitaries attending the New York Philharmonic concert Tuesday night mostly sat with their hands neatly folded. The men all wore dark suits with lapel pins bearing the image of the late North Korean leader Kim II Sung, and the women wore formal Korean gowns.

Some audience members appeared misty-eyed when the orchestra played its encore, “Arirang,” a lilting folk song emblematic of the Korean people. By the time the orchestra was taking its final bows, the North Koreans were on their feet, applauding and waving at the musicians.

Unsure what to do, the musicians stood and waved back.

“We felt such a connection with these people,” cellist Jeanne LeBlanc said. “They didn’t want us to leave the stage and we didn’t want to leave either. Some of us were crying we were so moved.”

I was especially touched by this story. Here we have 2 countries who have struggled with issues of disarmament for many years. And yet when faced with an emotion filled experience they were able to share a connection through the music and the deep feelings generated.

What does this say about the power and depth of our emotional connection? What would it be like to truly connect with our “enemies” by reaching first with empathy & compassion? We may not be able to solve the world’s problems and yet I feel that we can “set the stage” by making a softer entrance. The image of this incredible event fills me with hope & optimism.

Lately, I have been thinking about values and EI so I started to re-read some of the earlier writing on the theory. These abilities are to be used to promote emotional growth and development. People high on EI are not masters of the universe, nor do they rise to the top of the corporate heap. They do, however, have stronger and more positive relationships, they communicate more clearly, and they care.

A really excellent article in The Walrus entitled Repress Yourself published originally in 2006 explores in some detail the social boundaries and attitudes towards ‘expressing everything’ and a more British ’stiff upper lip’ or as they describe it, ‘blessed silence’. With references to enthrawling tv drama where actors are scripted and characters at times magnetic, versus the raw emotionality of reality tv, it becomes a convincing argument for a fair amount of restraint. The article states, ‘We increasingly used self-expression as a justification for all sorts of bad behaviour on the grounds that to do anything other than what our natural feeling dictates is hypocritical.’

But do we?

Emotional intelligence has really built upon the belief that we should work to manage the expression of feeling, ensuring that it is done appropriately and sensitively, and even at times not at all. Additionally ‘delaying gratification’ is also seen as an emotional intelligence competence… is this not another word for ‘denial’ or ‘discipline’?

The conversations and controversies seem, as always, focused on the extremes. The times when people get it a little wrong or find circumstances overwhelming used as evidence. The ideal reality must be that somewhere between repression and overly expressed emotions must lie the Happy Medium, which hopefully includes some empathy and compassion for the times our fellow humans get it all a bit wrong?

Your posting on decision making and emotions is really fascinating Tom. It resonates with some of the points that Bill Gates made in his Harvard speach where he discussed how we can help cut through complexity to ensure that we continue to tackle difficult problems and not give up.

His point too is that we need to find ways of continuing to take positive action and inspire people to participate. He says “you have to show more than numbers, you have to convey the human impact of the work, so that people can feel what saving a life means to the families effected”

Being connected to the human element, the face to face contact, can surely only build our capacity for real empathy, something that statistics are unable to activate?

His speach is full of optimism and hope. Thanks to Mick for the link.

Watch Daniel Pink’s talk on demonstrating and encouraging empathy on signs by clicking here.