I was talking with my dad about feeling sad and hopeless about his cancer. “On the one hand,” he said, “I know every day is a blessing and there’s so much to be grateful for. But that seems so abstract. So far away right now.” Here are some thoughts about feeling hopeless, and building a ladder toward hope.

 

 Good Sad - Finding Moments of Hope [6:58m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I love this Manifesto.

A lot of this is familiar, but I like how he has managed the principles based on the 24 Character strengths and virtues from Positive Psychology. Essentially Michael Lee Stallard describes how our individual efforts can bring about good organisational climates… I particularly like to include schools in this….

The bottom line is that connection plays a critical part in improving individual performance. People who are more connected with others fare better in life than those who are less connected. Connection, because it meets our human needs, makes people more trusting, more cooperative, more empathetic, more enthusiastic, more optimistic, more energetic, more creative and better problem solvers. It creates the type of environment in which people want to help their colleagues. They are more open to share information that helps decision makers become better-informed. The openness that emerges in a trusting and cooperative environment creates a robust marketplace of ideas that stimulates innovation.

Dear ones,

Tomorrow the Jewish holiday of Passover begins, so I’ve been thinking about freedom and about love.

Passover commemorates the time when Jews were enslaved in Egypt and then Gd, through Moses, led them to forge a path toward freedom. Moses didn’t want the job — he felt unqualified, incapable… uncertain and hopeless, but he chose to say yes.

It was a terrible journey — both the journey of enslavement, the journey of release, and then the period of cleansing in the desert. At Passover we do not celebrate a defeat of Pharaoh and his people, instead we express our sorrow at the suffering and our gratitude that so many before us have accepted the struggle for freedom.

Freedom does not mean getting to do whatever you want. Patty and I were talking about what our kids would say — they seem to think freedom would be growing up so no one would tell you what to do. And we might imagine freedom as being eight and getting to come home from school and play ’till dinner. But neither is true or possible.

Freedom means taking responsibility to walk in the path of what is right. It a process of ongoing effort and care. It is a terrible burden, but also a joyful one. It is terrible because when you accept freedom, you can no longer take the easy path of blame. You can not ride along and then be mad when someone takes you to a destination that isn’t what you wanted!

There are so many ways to give up freedom. Being on “autopilot” and blindly following patterns. Being a victim. Being a dictator. Deluding yourself. Breaking your own integrity. Letting yourself be seduced by superficial wants — or maybe confusing “wants” and “needs.” Compromising your values, or devaluing yourself to seek approval, status, affirmation, or power from the outside.

But at the same time there are so many gifts. Not just gifts of freedom itself, but gifts from the struggle to be free. Perhaps without the struggle there is no real freedom — or at least none of the heady bliss of finding it. In the struggle we have the opportunity to confront ourselves and one another. To question what truly matters. To challenge assumptions and the status quo, not changing for change’s sake, but changing for the sake of liberating our highest and best selves.

In the struggles there are an abundance of difficult feelings. My dad (stepfather) is struggling w cancer and it’s brutal. On one hand I am feeling so sad and afraid and hopeless — and on the other hand these terrible emotions feel good. They feel “right-but-hard” and are reminding me of our love and the gifts he’s given me and our whole family. So the pain is really love in disguise.

Recently Max was in struggle because he left his “best Pokemon cards” in his pocket then put his jeans in the laundry — they did not fare well. On the one hand he was helpless, a victim of bad fortune. On the other it was an opportunity to receive loving support from us, and to take action, to take ownership of the future. To be free.

While I was in the midst of struggle post-emergency-knee-surgery I was feeling pretty low. I felt helpless, powerless, dependent, stuck. But at the same time I was able to receive so much love and care. I thought a lot then about what it meant to be free. Did it mean being able to put socks on myself? (that felt like great liberation!) Or did it mean being able to choose to be grateful for the care? Even grateful for the pain? (because it was a sign of the process of recovery)

I’m struck that freedom is so much about feeling. About feeling despair versus hope. About feeling unworthy of and unable to love versus abundant in it. So many people are afraid to love and to be loved. They are so hurt that the hurt itself becomes a kind of shelter. They make walls of rage to barricade their fear, they keep their hurt close at hand in a desperate attempt to prevent it from overwhelming them. Maybe this is the ultimate slavery, the self-imposed slavery of denying that we are worthy and capable of love.

This is a prison whose wall grow thicker each day. The more we see ourselves as unworthy of and unable to love, the more depleted we become. We become more and more closed to love from all around, and less and less able to love others. Paradoxically the door opens by giving; it swings open outward from self acceptance.

The good news is that no matter how thick we make these walls, freedom can come in the blink of an eye. So impossible, then so simple. It can feel like betrayal of a promise, though, because we do not stay free.

We must choose again. Each time it feels impossibly hard, then suddenly, miraculously, easy. Then we find another challenge; this is the journey of freedom. Without the opposition we go back to autopilot, back to coasting. So the walk toward freedom is embedded in struggle — we find jewels among life’s travails. While there will be struggle, there is also choice — a balance that is a process.

Freedom, then, is decision made over an over; a string of choices. Not choices of circumstance and power, but choices of heart and will. Love and effort. Made over and over, strung together on a necklace, each bead buffed to luster by the challenge inherent in the decision to be free.

Does this perpetual struggle sound grim and dark? I don’t see life that way. I see it as beautiful, part of the abundance and wonder of our world. Each time we choose freedom we become stronger, deeper, and brighter — contributing, as have so many before us, to the vast pool of liberation.

With love,
- Josh

A few months ago I blogged about Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” about Achieving Your Childhood Dreams. He didn’t use these words, but he talked all about what we call emotional intelligence. Here’s a reprise he gave on Oprah:

Plus here are a ton of other videos about Randy.

What are the qualities of a President of the United States who takes on the mantle of leader? On the MSNBC program “Tim Russert,” Doris Kearns Goodwin, presidential historian, shared the qualities she feels we should be looking for in the President of the United States. Here are the qualities she submitted:

*withstanding adversity

*diverse perspectives

*loyalty

*admitting mistakes

*managing emotions

*defining goals

*knowing how to relax

Throughout the entire hour program it was evident to me as a emotional intelligence practitioner that she was primarily talking about emotional intelligence. In her discussion about “withstanding adversity” she talked of former presidents and the presidential candidates of 2008. The practice of optimism, resiliency, and perseverance modeled for others can bring energy and power to those they lead. The leaders have been “tested.” We know from the study of many leaders, they have had to withstand enormous obstables, “picked themselves up,” and went forward.

“Diverse perspectives” relates to how leaders learn from others, including from those with whom they disagree on many issues. A leader surrounding themselves with only “yes people” only hears their own voice and views.  They are not challenged to revisit their beliefs and perhaps even enrich their beliefs, if they are not listening to others.With a leader utilizing their emotional literacy, navigating emotions, empathy, and noble goals, really all of the EI competencies, this is when they truly are able to engage others in decision-making. Without engaging “diverse perspectives” a leader is not connected to the relationships they have with the people.

The attributes of “loyalty” and “admitting mistakes” can really be discussed together in that the loyalty that the President has for his/her people is shown most vividly when being true to oneself. Admitting mistakes in the work for the citizenry can show a loyalty that transcends any other work with which the President focuses. Most of the emotional intelligence competencies ring through these qualities.

“Managing emotions” so clearly relates to EI. We may call it “navigating emotions,” with Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence Network, but it really is the same. There are so many instances when the information gleaned from anger, frustration, sadness, happiness,  and joy can bring power, energy, and clarity to a president’s message. The job of the President of the United States is to be able to transform those emotions into messages that enlist, energize, and empower the citizens. Additionally, “defining goals” relates to “managing emotions” in that a president needs to use the data from their emotions and create a clear message that communicates shared purpose.

Lastly, being able to relax is an important quality for a president, as with any leader. President of the United States has almost an unequaled amount of stress in their lives. Taking the time for reflection, time with family, a sport, or perhaps a hobby is an extremely important part of the lives of any leader.

 I believe Doris Kearns Goodwin’s list is almost complete. I would definitely add empathy as another quality. She alluded to it many times in the program, but did not name it. It is clearly evident that emotional intelligence competencies are at the core of any leader, not just President of the United States.

It has frequently been the practice of many teachers and administrators to “prepare” teachers for the students they will be having in their classes the next year. That preparation may entail learning about  students’ behaviors, learning styles, strengths, and areas needing improvement in their academics. This information can be very helpful so that teachers can plan to modify and enhance their lessons for their new students. I would submit that this is not enough.

Yes, I would agree it is important to learn about students before you teach them. It can help with the preparation of your “toolkit” of strategies. But too many times we remember those comments about a student, especially those comments from their former teachers that list their  weaknesses in academics and behaviors and we lose sight of the enormous power that our own optimism about each student can play in how they will live within our classrooms. I would suggest that when meeting new students it is extremely important to be prepared with a keen eye and ear to see and hear when students are working diligently, cooperating with others, using their optimistic messages with themselves and others, and exercising their citizenship skills in the classroom. Yes, it is a balancing act. We want to be prepared with information from the previous year. But we do not want students to feel that they are burdened with their history from the previous year in school.

 I know I hope to try to continue to use the opportunity with each new student as a time to practice my emotional intelligence skills. We know how emotions are contagious! We know that modeling those EQ competencies can be powerful! We know that students can change those patterns that have not worked with them in the past. Giving them a chance will help the balance move toward the positive.

This week 300 Americans from the New York Philharmonic Orchestra entered North Korea to play a concert for an audience of dignitaries. This is the first and largest group of Americans to visit North Korea since the war in the early 50’s. The flags of the United States and North Korea, two countries locked in animosity for more than half a century, hung from poles at opposite ends of the stage at the East Pyongyang Concert Hall.

The crowd of about 2,000 North Korean dignitaries attending the New York Philharmonic concert Tuesday night mostly sat with their hands neatly folded. The men all wore dark suits with lapel pins bearing the image of the late North Korean leader Kim II Sung, and the women wore formal Korean gowns.

Some audience members appeared misty-eyed when the orchestra played its encore, “Arirang,” a lilting folk song emblematic of the Korean people. By the time the orchestra was taking its final bows, the North Koreans were on their feet, applauding and waving at the musicians.

Unsure what to do, the musicians stood and waved back.

“We felt such a connection with these people,” cellist Jeanne LeBlanc said. “They didn’t want us to leave the stage and we didn’t want to leave either. Some of us were crying we were so moved.”

I was especially touched by this story. Here we have 2 countries who have struggled with issues of disarmament for many years. And yet when faced with an emotion filled experience they were able to share a connection through the music and the deep feelings generated.

What does this say about the power and depth of our emotional connection? What would it be like to truly connect with our “enemies” by reaching first with empathy & compassion? We may not be able to solve the world’s problems and yet I feel that we can “set the stage” by making a softer entrance. The image of this incredible event fills me with hope & optimism.

The number of UK doctors prescribing exercise for treating depression symptoms has risen by 17% in just 3 years. The survey reported by the BBC showed that the benefits of exercise included the releasing of natural endorphins, less social isolation and better body image.

I wonder how long until doctors start prescribing longer break times for children again?

Continuing on David’s theme about happiness… I completely agree that we’ve got “happiness-seeking-run-amok” and that sadness is good too! Does real “happiness” mean the absence of sorrow? I suspect it means “being more alive.” It certainly doesn’t seem to come from ease.

I haven’t read it, but thought the premise of this book sounds right on! The Economics of Happiness. Have you read it? Please comment!

Why, in spite of increasing economic prosperity over the past 50 years, are many conditions of well-being in decline and rates of happiness largely unchanged since the 1950s?

It seems we have so much to be happy about - but not the happiness! I remember as a teen visiting my sis and bro-in-law who were teaching in rural Kenya. We walked around the village where they worked and people had next to nothing, but seemed so happy. At the time I though it a strange paradox then, but moved quickly onto the pressing matters of growing up.

Now I see there’s some essential secret we’ve missed, and I wonder if we can get it back?

I have had a couple of times lately that tears have welled up in my eyes. As I watch and listen to the events surrounding the presidential campaign, I am really amazed about those citizens who are attempting to become President of the United States. Diversity is such an important value of mine and I am just in awe that we as a nation have made some changes. I would not be foolhearty enough to think that we have made major strides in becoming inclusive, but I am hopeful.

My husband has been thinking that I have become obsessed with the presidential compaign, because I am always listening to the debates, watching CNN, MSNBC, NPR, etc. How can I miss out on this historical campaign? I also find myself listening for clarity, sincerity, authenticity, optimism, and hope in the messages of those candidates. I am fascinated!

We have always talked about the United States as a country of immigrants. I am hopeful that this campaign will just be a start of having those in power reflect who we really are. Dr. King would be pleased. Yes..times they are a changing.