“What makes an ‘Emotional Intelligence Coach’ different?” I wasn’t quite sure how to answer, since my entire coaching career has been centered around EQ… but fortunately in the room I had a coach who’d done other coach certification before becoming a Certified EQ Coach, so I asked. Her answer seems simple, but it’s profound:
“The difference is emotions. The way I treat my own and my client’s emotions – not as a problem, but as something valuable.”
Let’s start with a definition of coaching.
When I start working with a coaching-partner (aka client), I say something like: “As a coach, I’m here to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you, supporting you as you walk down the path toward your goals.”
Key ideas in this definition of coaching:
- We’re equal partners – “shoulder to shoulder”
- They set the agenda – “toward your goals”
- It’s a process of change and growth – “walk down the path”
- They’re doing the main work, I’m a supporter – “as you walk”
Coaching is a solution-focused process of inquiry that supports partners (clients) to clarify their goals, strengthen their inner resources, and move forward on purpose.
Let’s unpack the emotions under this: Curiosity. Trust. Drive. Commitment. Hope. Confidence. Joy.
Why do people get coaching and what helps them?
Several years ago, Paul Stillman and I conducted research on coaching; we were teasing out the differentiators between Good and Great coaching. In responses, most people identified they started working with a coach because:
They wanted to make change, but felt stuck.
The issue in the surveys, and for most of my clients, is not, “I don’t have ideas.” It’s not, “I need practical advice.” It’s combination of mindset and “heartset.” What are some of the feelings underneath this? Unsure, unable, unclear, plus not knowing how to shift that.
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What is emotional intelligence and how does it help coaches?
Now that we’ve clarified what coaching is, and a main reason people seek coaching, we can look at emotional intelligence from the perspective of coach and partner (client). First, what is emotional intelligence?
Take a look at this infographic, and for more about it, please see my LinkedIn post about it:
Emotional intelligence is the ability to accurately acquire emotional data and use it to create effective solutions.
As coaches, we get emotional data in every session (and before and after). We get it from ourselves, and from our clients. Usually it’s not in the words, but around and behind the words. Emotional intelligence is the capability that lets us pick up that data (acquire) and make sense of it. Accuracy is a big deal.
Then, once we have accurate data, what do we do with it? Again, emotional intelligence equips us to use emotional data in effective ways.
There’s not one solution, not one set of behaviors – intelligence is what lets us create lots of solutions to the puzzles we face. Emotional intelligence lets us create lots of solutions to emotional puzzles… such as how to help a client feel unstuck.
How does emotional intelligence help coaching partners (clients)?
In the study I mentioned above, one key insight about what really helps clients is: ”Changing beliefs or mindsets that change is possible.” When you want to change and feel stuck, it can seem impossible. Partly that’s about thoughts, but it’s a lot about feelings. So what skills will help these folks understand and work with their feelings? You got it: Emotional intelligence.
In the Emotional Intelligence Coach Certification, a question frequently arises: “Do I have to teach my clients the concepts of emotional intelligence?” The answer is: No, circle back to the definition of coaching… that said, most coaching partners working with emotional intelligence coaches do end up learning a lot about EQ.
As we become more skillful picking up those emotional clues, as our coach partners work through their challenges, they end up asking more and more about the skills that will help. In EQ Coaching, we offer our clients assessment tools that also help with this.
Over time, our coach partners build a rich toolbox of emotional intelligence skills, and often ask for more articles or books to help them go further. Over time, just like the coaches, they build up new strengths to understand and navigate emotional challenges.
Remember the emotional shift. We started with a person who’s feeling stuck in change, feeling unsure, unable, unclear, plus not knowing how to shift that. These are not bad feelings (or even negative). They’re a valuable part of change. And, for change to happen, we’ll need to engage that clarity and fuel next steps with additional emotions.
Where we’re going is the emotions underneath the definition of coaching that I offered: Curiosity. Trust. Drive. Commitment. Hope. Confidence. Joy.
That transformation is catalyzed when coach and partner are both practicing emotional intelligence.
To learn more about emotional intelligence and how it works in coaching, don’t forget to click here to subscribe to the EQ Coach Newsletter. We also hold a monthly Coaching Connections mini-workshop — explore upcoming events.
Whether you’re a professional coach, or contemplating earning certification as a professional emotional intelligence coach*, or you’re someone who uses coaching techniques to support others: of course these questions apply to us first.
* Did you know? In addition to top-level accreditation from the International Coaching Federation, the EQ Coach Certification is one of a handful of coaching certifications in North America that also provides master’s level credit? You’ll earn almost ⅓ of your MBA or MA in this program.
For more on EQ and Coaching 🌱, I recommend:
Neuroscience ‘tricks’ for change
- How Emotional Intelligence Coaches Use Emotions in Goal Setting - October 2, 2024
- 3 Winning Strategies for Successful Change Leadership: Coaching with Emotional Intelligence - September 4, 2024
- 3 Emotional Intelligence Tips for the Essence of Coaching - July 31, 2024